I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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