I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
nutella sex= disaster
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
