he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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