Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
