U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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