I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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