my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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