Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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