If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Found your dick twin last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
