I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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