She said her name was "party"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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