Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
