your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
