I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
