I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize