4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
