Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
