Reggie can tackle my bush.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
