You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
