my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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