I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We smell like vodka and hangover
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