So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
