the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
