So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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