What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize