Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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