i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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