I think I won the penis lottery.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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