worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
