you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
