Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
