Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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