my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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