were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
