I think I died a long time ago.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
