I am puke
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
