Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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