white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
