I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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