He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
