i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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