Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The adults are the big ones right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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