After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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