I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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