Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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