Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Someone shattered a urinal.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
