i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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