i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
