The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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