dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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