Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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