I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
