I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
