I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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