she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
