Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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