I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
