Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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