My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
