im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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