giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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