we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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