i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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