I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
